Nifty Noodles
Nifty Noodles/ Revised Attitude
Nifty Noodles/ Touring Southern California
Nifty Noodles/ Return to Zero
Nifty Noodles/ 21 & 22
Nifty Noodles/ Radio Rehab Update
Nifty Noodles/
Nifty Noodles/ "Narrow Casting"
Nifty Noodles/ TCL Arrival.........
Copyright © 2000, 2003 All Rights Reserved, BryanD.com & Bryan Duncan
11/28/03 home
Yesterday's over indulgence in "Tryptophan" (from the turkey) left me down
right depressed.
This morning I decided to improve my conscious contact with God and the
revelations poured in! I gotta read you some stuff from my two favorite
writers lately... Oswald Chambers ( who I only understand half the time) and
Mike Yaconelli ...
OC: "the gospel of the grace of God awakens an INTENSE LONGING in human
souls and an equally intense RESENTMENT because the revelation which it
brings is not palatable.
There is a certain PRIDE in man (Bryan) that will give and give, but to come
and accept is another thing.... I will DO anything but do not humiliate me
to the level of the most hell deserving sinner and tell me that all I have
to do is to accept the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ."
"... We cannot EARN or WIN anything from God"... And "he can do nothing for
us (Bryan) if we think we are sufficient of ourselves"... "as long as (I am)
rich, possessed of anything in the way of PRIDE or INDEPENDENCE God cannot
do anything for (me)"
Truth is I AM PROUD OF MY INDEPENDENCE! and ANGRY that my efforts are not
acceptable!
Now from Mike Yaconelli one year before his death:
"I have wanted to be a godly person. Yet when I look at the yesterdays of my
life, what I see, mostly, is a broken, irregular path littered with mistakes
and failure."
"I want to be a good person. I don't want to fail. I want to learn from my
mistakes, rid myself of distractions, and run into the arms of Jesus... Most
of the time however, I feel like I am running away from Jesus into the arms
of my own clutteredness"
"I want desperately to know God better. I want to be consistent. Right now
the only consistency in my life is my inconsistency... I want to have more
victories than defeats, yet here I am, almost 60 and I fail on a regular
basis."
The truth hurts but at least when I see it in the lives of men I have
immense respect for at least I can breath a sigh of relief and go back to
living and breathing one day at a time.
Dear God, I'm a mess and still proud! Angry that my accomplishments are not
approved. I can't seem to accept grace and be thankful...don't let me render
you powerless in my life because of my own free will.
I am not willing to even be willing. Not sure what I'm asking of you... "
make me willing but don't hurt me"! That's impossible!
If I can just know that I am in the right place with you and there is a
point to this mess perhaps I could relax my death grip on my own steering
wheel. Amen
Thanks for lettin me share. Bryan d
11/21/03 Riverside, CA
Last week I played two Celebrate Recovery groups, one in Encinitas just
starting up.
And one in Corona at Cross Roads, they invited their singles group to "sit
in".
This week again it is Celebrate Recovery at Riverside Community Church
Thursday and Riverside Bethel Christian Center friday. Both are what I've
begun to call "drive by's" it is pretty much a volunteering of my time to a
program I believe in and there are plenty of them around.
They help me keep the word out about radio rehab in the area and introduce
Twin Cities Live CD to an appreciative audience.
Friday, I spent the morning on the local radio station to remind folks of
the four mini concerts I was doing at Berean Christian Store in Riverside on
Saturday.
I think it paid off.
Saturday my friends helped me set up a small p.a. And my keyboard. I played
4- 30 min sets at 2:00- four -six - and eight... I'm always nervous about
turn outs at a bookstore but all four were well attended, (you know for
standing in the aisles at a book store)
Didn't know I had so many friends around till they all dropped by at once. I
drive this town every day when I'm home and a lot by myself, running errands
didn't realize how many relationships I've developed in the last few years
just being around town.
Just a note here, during the concerts I've been courageous enough to share
just a little bit about my work in recovery and facing my unmanageable
dependencies. It's nerve racking. It fly's in the face of the "perfection"
I've always felt was a requirement in my career. You know... "since I've
found Christ I have ceased to have sin in my life... Thank God" The one
thing that I've hated more than being "defective" is pretending that I am
not!
Anyway I'm surprised at what people will confess to when they decide you are
broken enough to trust with the information. And so I see how God uses
brokenness in my life to open doors of relationship to others where in the
past we might just face each other pretending to be fine.
I've read Oswald Chambers almost every day lately... And several days will
go by where I'm just not getting his take... Then this morning his entry was
just way cool.. So I picked up a book while doing the gigs at Berean... The
biography of Oswald Chambers... I don't even know what he did for a
living...let ya know.
Now off to Laguna Niguel
Ok so let it be... bd
11/23/03 Laguna Niguel, CA
One of the very first gigs I ever played in California, even before Sweet
Comfort Band was a youth group for a four square church in Huntington Beach.
Clayton Robinson was the youth leader and went to college with me some
thirty years ago. (1972) He heard me singing in the practice room after
hours and as he recalls... I was reluctant to sing publicly at the time "I
just sing for my own enjoyment" he said I said.
Man I don't remember ever being reluctant to sing publicly but now looking
back I do remember being surprised when someone asked me at college if I'd
ever thought of singing full time as a ministry. I had no idea what I wanted
to do for a living then and it had never crossed my mind that music would be
a vocation.
Doing this gig was interesting as people recalled stuff that I had long
forgotten. I met grown ups tonight that were kids in that very youth group.
Funny how you never think of what happens to kids in the "youth group". They
introduced me to their kids! and in some cases grand kids... Wow this is
frightening.
I heard the kind words spoken to me at this gig. Expressions of thanksgiving
for my songs all these years I felt like I was at my own memorial service
8).
It was like God was telling me to look back over the long haul at my life.
His hand was in it all and I had no idea... I was clueless as I am to this
day. I remember the early days of singing and being frustrated that I
couldn't answer people when they'd ask "where do you see yourself in 10
years" like I was supposed to have it all mapped out. My career, my strategy
for my life. I felt stupid for following God's leading. It still makes no
sense and here it is 3 times past the next ten years.
I've seen better days in my career but not a better sense of gratitude for
where God has taken me over my lifetime after seeing that people don't
forget what you do for them... (I guess I didn't offend everyone along the
way after all).
One man handed me a typed two page thank you note for the influence of my
songs in bringing his wife to Christ slowly through some very hard times in
their marriage.
God was whispering in my ear all night..."your time has not been wasted. My
plans have not been hampered by who you've been either" (as I thought of all
my sins). I am happy to have known God all this time, cracked as I've become
and broken before him. I've given up my right to be somebody in my own
estimation and God shows me the real picture... It's not a "press release".
It is absolute gold... Unpolished but pure as God's plans always are! I'm
not taking credit here for anything. I don't feel the need. But I can see
that I have been a part of a bigger picture. Magical but not sensational.
It is being part of the changes in on going lives and past down to the next
generation... A reason for living and a purpose beyond our selfishness.
A relationship with Jesus! in spite of my own pride and rebellion and
decisions to do and say what I want... God has not forsaken me and I cannot
ruin his plans! That is so amazing to me!
Thanks for letting me share.... Bryan d
Eagle Rock, CA 11/19/03
I thought I'd done a pretty good job setting up the script for two more
radio shows... But they turned out long winded and we had to cut a song from
both shows and edit my own pontifications...
There's a new problem... Having more music than we need and more to say too.
Lot of technical snafu's tonight... Got home after midnight. It's a wait and
see proposition on how these shows came out.
I'm still doing the series of shows on the Prayer for Serenity:
Show #21 "accepting hardship as a pathway to peace"
Used two of my own songs on this one... Clap Your Hands and Your Love My
Saving Grace... Cut an Amy Grant tune I had toward the end...
The Highlight of the show (if there is one) would be the prayer and
confessions over Eric Clapton's song, River of Tears.
The Life out of Step may have been the worst attempt I've made to date.
Show #22 was better "taking the world as it is" opens with a song by Seal
called Bring It On and into Donnie McClerkin , first time to RTR, with a
song called "have a little talk with Jesus".
I played a cut from my new Twin Cities Live CD... "Don't Help The Devil"
The highlight song and great wrap up tune came from Randy Stonehill- all I
know.
Both shows had more mellow songs than usual. I'm afraid to play too soft
cause I know the show gets played late at night... Afraid to put people to
sleep... Of course my friends never hear the show cause it's after eleven!
I'm barely keeping up with the schedule for a once a week show lately. Hope
to make it till Christmas and then we will just have them played over.
Hoping to get some highlights to Rush Limbaugh as he is a new member of the
recovery club... He might find them interesting...
I keep coming home... Bryan D
11/9/03
I did a fill in interview for Randy Stonehill with a station in Toronto
Canada. The host was quite open about his sexual addiction and his struggles
with the church.
He was just raving about radio rehab on his live show... We talked for an
hour on the air yesterday... I was not comfortable sharing my whole story...
I simply shared some of what led me to addictions in the first place...
Isolation on the road... Disconnection from others, lack of community over
the long haul, and eventually a crisis of faith in the message of the gospel
to change my own life!
"Why Radio Rehab?" he asked. " it is a way of giving back to a program of
recovery that has brought me new convictions and connections with others
where there were none before!" I answered... "It is a working of the 12th
step and I am not alone even in this effort as several have joined me in
support as a way of working their own 12th step."
"I'm discovering the art of giving to others as the most prominent way of
replacing my own defects of character".
He asked me some uncomfortable questions about my relationships and I'm so
used to talking openly in group that I kinda forgot we were on the air in
Toronto.
On another note I read in Oswald Chambers devotional... "If we preach the
effects of Redemption in human life instead of the revelation regarding
Jesus, the result in those who listen is not new birth, but refined
spiritual culture, and the spirit of God cannot witness to it because such
preaching is in another domain"
I would appreciate any insight you may have about what this means...
Not sure OC would like radio rehab... I know I'm focused more on the issues
of recovery perhaps than "Jesus"... But I know how I feel about the "pat
answer" and how I have 'glazed over' when the gospel is just thrown out
there mindlessly without any passion for the story of redemption behind it.
So there ya go... Run with it.... Bryan d
11/6/03 mid week...at home...
11/16/03 Sunday. Riverside, CA
Played two celebrate recovery groups in the southland this week. Just
sharing some of my testimony and keeping people informed about the radio
show and Twin Cities.
It is humbling work... Being honest, not coming on like a rock star... But
there is a warmer feeling when I'm driving home from these little gigs.
I attended a celebration for the life of Mike Yaconelli who was killed in an
accident earlier this month. Mike was a writer/ speaker and founder of Youth
Specialties... I did not know him well but I identified with him more than
any "spiritual leader" I've known in my life time. He was at least
comfortable somewhat with the "incongrueties" I have recognized in following
Christ in a fallen world. Because of him and a handful of others I have been
convinced that I need not tender my resignation as an official Christian.
In heaven, I'd like to live in his neighborhood. He made it feel alright to
be me. I feel rushed, around most Christians, to have arrived at all the
conclusions, pushed to feel all the right things and carry an un-dieing
passion for Christ that I still do not have.
He led by simply living and breathing... He was a Raggamuffin! and I was in
his club.
Here's a moment of silence to remember
him..........................................................................!
Thanks for being here Mike... The world will not be the same place without
you.
Thanks for lettin me share.... Bryan D
11/6/03 mid week...at home...
I gotta say I was disheartened by the insightful programmer who e mailed me yesterday about radio rehab......
In essence he was saying I like the show, and it is good... I could use it myself, but these days radio knows what their audience is and what that audience wants.
And we make our money off of that... like a tick that's found it's dog.
Then I question what God has given me to do... I'm building an ark in a desert! and I feel like I'm trying to explain rain. This is not the first time I've gotten that exact reply... "I like it but It doesn't fit our format".
Don't get me wrong I'm not discouraged, it's part of accepting this sinful world as it is and not as I would have it. It's just that nagging question that haunts me... Why is it that I don't want to conform? It could be pride on my part or control... Or it could be my own quest for personal meaning and purpose in life beyond existing and making a living. I want to matter...
But in a really big way 8).
I recall listening to a network executive use scripture to endorse his "calling" to reach an audience that makes him a comfortable living... Is that it? Sounds like the cart before the horse... But then I am drawn to that too.... I'd like to prosper too but I can see through the "self motivation" that contradicts trusting in God and walking by faith... And doing His will not mine... Does that mean success is anti faith? Probably not... It comes down to motivation.
Bottom line is these shows are helping ME... To find sanity, focus on real purpose, recognize my own defects of character and discover lies I've lived with for years. They are so good in my opinion that I always wonder why others don't see it too... And we're back to the 3 things I cannot change...(others, others and others)
I'm climbing the right ladder for sure but I don't know what building it's leaning against at this point...
Thanks for lettin me share... Bryan d
11/5/03 Riverside CA
The first printing of my first "live" album arrived today. Twin Cities
Live.
First record on my first time record label... Red Road.
The very first copy was officially sold to Charlie Johnson Jr in
Virginia...
And 51 copies were bought today over all.
James Bowles was the first to receive the very first promotional copy.
And this marks the beginning of my new reality. Life redefined,
redirected rediscovered, Redemption...from the ground up...( they all
start with R-E-D, hence the concept of RED road.... It's like starting
over from scratch. "I'm starting over for the rest of my life" to quote
my own song.
I'm feeling overwhelmed and under educated... Not sure if I'm going up
or down here... But the great news is ... It's not the same old thing. I
am finding my own "road less traveled!" It's humbling from where I'm
standing.
But I don't mind and that is a new wrinkle in my attitude.
Hope you enjoy Twin Cities, ... I hope you buy "Twin" copies!
NTL................. Bryan d