Nifty Noodles/ Thank You For letting me be myself

3/28/04 San Antonio, Tx
Played three songs for Celebrate Recovery conference and then four church services Saturday night and Sunday morning. I’ve never been more pumped at a show. Optimistic sounding to a fault… felt like I was betraying myself there to only show that side…. But boy it felt good. Didn’t meet a person I didn’t like at Community Bible Church.

I sold every CD I brought and now I have no product for the concert in Tomball tonight.

Interesting side light… the keyboard playing music director at this church is also named Bryan Duncan! He wasn’t here this week so we didn’t cross paths actually.

I had all my vocal chops for these shows and I was thrilled with the sound. I’m still floating along on a two week euphoria… I’m playing concerts again and my songs feel fresh to me… even as I write a hoard of new tunes.

3/29/04 Tomball, Tx.

Tomball United Methodist…
Ya gotta love Methodists… they’re really educated Baptists. You can play the deeper songs and they’re not worried about my salvation. By the time I started singin for the 6 th time in a day and a half my voice was feeling like fruit pulp in a blender… so I started out low key with Blue Skies…. The set list was an odd mix as was the audience…. A wide range of ages… but I think I found a balance in the long run… an hour and a half set.

Mentally I was absolutely scatter brained, forgetting words and easily distracted by petty P.A. problems.

Met several folks from recovery programs that appreciated my identification with addictions… I coined a new phrase to cover everything… “Unnecessary Attachment Disorder”.

Met a guy from Nigeria who grew up on my music… he missed the show but came by to say hi…

A woman in near tears who drove here from Dallas she said some kind things.

I met 6- eight year olds who enjoyed my stuff… three little girls who wanted to start their own band and a song writer who told me of a time when he was 14 and I spent 10 minutes with him at a music conference where no one else had time.

You know it’s the connection with others one on one that makes the real difference… it’s not the blanket stuff you say on the stage.

O.K. So there’s that…. Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ 4 Days in the Pink

3/22/04 Las Vegas, NV
Spending four days with Bob Carlisle at his studio to write songs this week. He calls it affectionately the Pink House.

A hideaway in an unobtrusive little neighborhood…. Done up on the inside in “Atomic” motif. Sound is outrageously great. I’ve been pretty much off line all month… good thing is you don’t have to have money to write songs… for me it’s time to start spinning straw. I’ll let you know how it goes. I’ve sung with Bob for years but amazingly we’ve never written tunes together

Bob can be a chameleon writing songs in any genre and take on the feel of an exact style…I spent most of my first day just listening to his ideas and getting a feel for how he likes to write. He starts with a concept and paints a picture first.

I on the other hand start with a groove or a music progression and see what emotions come out of it. I never know what the song is about until I’m way into the lyrics usually.

I think his approach is more prolific.

I came in in a positive mood and He wanted to write sad sentimental songs so we were not on the same emotional page the first day.

Bob is the all around musician playing all the instruments for basic track ideas. We’re off and running on a groove unlike anything I have done after all these years. There, my friends is the joy of writing with different folks. Juices are flowing and I’m pacing the room… a proud parent anticipating a new birth… We have movement! This is a moment I can enjoy, open minded, creative… possibilities are endless… Why don’t I do this everyday?

We knocked off around 10 P.m. Monday and went to a hole in the wall lounge, listened to some blues and low and behold around two a.m. on the final song of the night… with maybe eight patrons in the place, we met an undercover keyboard player…

Little Richard! (who was doing shows down the Street at the New Orleans) Thought he looked familiar but I didn’t even ask his name I just said to him “wow you’re good where have you been all night” to which he laughed. Bob played a couple of blues tunes with the band earlier…Kansas City and Daddy’s Home… but he was really pumped about running into someone who’s songs were early staples in his own music history. Of course you always think of something you wished you would have asked about after a chance meeting.

Got up late next day and played golf and just relaxed mostly around the “Carlisle Hilton” as I call it.

Spent the last day talkin about story book song ballads. I can’t tell you the stories just yet but the ideas alone brought me to tears. Also laid down a Bonnie Raitt style Blues Ballad that I will write lyrics to when I get home.

Bob gave me a rock n roll song to work on that makes me wanna get back in to those tight pants and start jumpin around.

Why after all these years Bob and I have never written together I don’t know but this could be the start of a whole new production machine. We’ll see. I gotta come through on my end of course.

But we have 5 or 6 song starts in just 4 days without even pushing it. (plus the 3 songs I’ve written with Bob up to now in the last few months )

We’ll just call this a working vacation… Bob is a great guy to hang out with… very laid back and the conversations with him are always fascinating. I probably quote more stuff from conversations with him than anyone I know.

Well I’ve got some songs to write….

O.K. so there’s THAT…. Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ B Days

3/16/04 Riverside, CA
Home 3/16/53 Tuesday…man I’ve never felt so loved in my life… I got birthday calls all day from guys in my recovery group (and past groups) and folks on line… my folks, my kids, my friends… I can’t remember being more connected to others away from my “career”… people giving me a hard time about all my weirdness and laughing with me about it…

I may have had that all along but it’s taken years in recovery to actually feel it. I’m 51 starting today. I’ve never been more satisfied in my life… and it comes without conditions attached… It feels so uncomfortable to allow people to give to me knowing I can’t really pay them back… what a great thing to owe a debt of gratitude for good things you know you don’t deserve but for the absolute grace of God.

I found it a little easier to believe in God’s love for me today… because I was given an “experiential truth” that flies in the face of the lies I’ve believed over my lifetime about having to prove myself worthy of love. Something I could never accomplish by myself of in the first place.

Thanks for letting me share…..just Bryan

Nifty Noodles/ Passing Half a Century

3/16/04 Riverside, CA
I took a moral inventory this morning on my 51st birthday. I was a little short of righteous 8) But God is pointing out to me all the wonderful realities in the friends he’s brought my way. I’m feeling pretty emotional this morning. I’m so grateful for life even with all the pain and suffering… there’s been some elation along the way… I heard from a friend who is fighting cancer right now … who said “I’m grateful God let me live this week”… my own ingratitude and complacency was shaken just a little in this startlingly simple statement..

I’m passing a half century and I’ve followed my passion for better or worse… God has let me process a lot and I see why he hasn’t instantly healed me of all wounds… they have given me insight and helped me find new strength…I grateful that God has let me live another year!...

So there’s that Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ Healing

3/9/04 Riverside, CA
Didn't really play this week except for volunteer stuff like my own recovery celebration on Friday night. Sang in the worship group... And did "If you Pray for Me" as special music... I was the announcer for a skit called "recovery theater"...the furthering adventures of Mark and Phil... It was fun... A way to act out the difficulties in staying connected and recognizing defects of character...they played a portion of one of my radio rehab shows during the skit... And I had several requests for copies of the show... (you can download all my radio shows at radiorehab.com by the way)

I started reading a book called " Healing life's deepest hurts" It triggered so many emotions in me that I threw the book in the trash three times! but I could not stop reading it. The author kept talking about "Lie Based Pain" and the Lies we believe in our hearts regardless of the truths we understand as "data".... An example, I can recite to myself scriptures of God's protection... But if I've been mugged in the parking lot I tend to have a different "experiential" truth that makes me believe that my "education" is not true.... The reason I kept throwing the book in the trash is I kept predicting a simplistic answer to my complicated reality... The author kept referring to his method as "theophostic ministry"...( meaning Light of God) It sounded like the spiritual equivalent of a fad diet... "lose 60 lbs in ten days")

I haven't finished the book yet so I'm reserving judgment. But I feel the truth in the pain I experience based on lies I've told myself over the years. Lies that don't go away simply by reciting the truth of scripture. "What we feel is closer to what we actually believe" he says and I agree... Easy examples are "I have no real value"... "I'm worthless"... " nothing I do in my life will really matter" "I don't belong anywhere"... Just to name a few... Things I've found in my own mind in spite of my "Learned truth"....

He seems to be intimating that experience based lies can only be corrected by an experience based truth... Of course there's the rub... He's suggesting a supernatural intervention of God on my behalf... And that always makes me nervous... I haven't had to many supernatural "transformations" in my life which tends to make me feel that God doesn't love me quite as much the guy he just Miraculously healed!"

Is there a such thing as spiritual jealousy? "I want God to Love me best"?

I might have some of that....

Don't leave me alone with my brain!!! Bryan D

Nifty Noodles/ Best In Show

3/8/04 Eagle Rock, CA
David Rowe and I recorded RTR shows numbers 31 and 32. I've never been more thrilled with the way any show has ever come out. Show Number 31 is called Sufficient Grace: the songs and artists are:
Scott Krippayne/ Reason to Live
Out of the Gray/ Steady Me
Ashley Cleveland/ Your Saving Grace
Bryan Duncan/ Walkin
Hoobastank/ A Reason
Down Here/ Free Me Up
Annie Lennox/ Money Can't Buy It

can't remember when the script and the songs seemed to flow together so well...the insights that I found for myself in doing these shows was abundant. Show #32 is called "Unconditional love" and the songs are:
Bryan Duncan/ Where There's Love There is Hope
Sting/ If you Love Somebody Set Them Free
Scott Krippayne/ More
Taralyn Ramsey/ Unconditional Love
Michael W. Smith/ Never Been Unloved
Carlos Santanna / The Calling
Hezekiah Walker/ Never gonna let you go

This one opens with My own song Where there's Love... We Looped the intro to the song and in the middle of the loop is an ad lib, Me saying "here we Go". It fell by accident into the holes between my comments about the "Conditions" that come with most love that I know... Here's the opening lines of the show: {This is the Road To Redemption...Hello again I'm Bryan Duncan as always... With another guardrail on the Road To Redemption... It's Un..con..ditional Love. What is that anyway? The love I know comes with conditions attached... (here we Go) "I'll love you as long as you validate me somehow" (here we go)... I'll love you as long as we can stay on the same page.. (here we Go)." I'll love you but I expect a certain level of sanity and correct behavior"...(here we go)... so what is unconditional love? And where would I get something like that?}

It was like the vocal in the music was answering my commentary... The whole show went like that... I was just astounded at how the music meshed with the commentary across the boards... It was like God was "ordaining" the show!

Michael W Smith's tune was so perfect and a completely unexpected discovery on my part... "Never been Unloved" was an absolutely timely find.

I was in a great mood leaving L.A. Listening to the finished copies... I wasn't paying attention to my Truck.... I had to repair a flat tire and an hour later I blew the engine I think... Listening to the music so loud that I failed to notice the noise in the engine or see the warning lights until the truck died. Took me four and a half hours to get home... With out my truck too. I'll have to go back tomorrow to find out the damage. Never the less I can't remember feeling more productive in a single day. God was smiling in an odd sort of way.

So .... Here we go!!! 8) Bryan D.

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