Nifty Noodles
Nifty Noodles/ Recovering from the Holidays
Nifty Noodles/ I'm Down with James Brown
Nifty Noodles/ 5 Lives
Nifty Noodles/ Chinese Christmas
Nifty Noodles/ Loved Ones on I.C.E.
Nifty Noodles/ At Large......
Nifty Noodles/ December Blues......
Nifty Noodles/ Misbelief......
Nifty Noodles/ Back Yard Band......
West Coast Office 12/28/06
Don’t know about you but there’s a huge gaping hole in my soul after Christmas… the big let down. After a month of lights and songs and anticipation of things to come, is a left over week where the bills are glaring at you and the daily grind reminds you of it’s presence. It’s a back wash of “Post Partum”.
The key to overcoming mild depression at least is to call someone or more. But alas in the holiday’s most of the usuals for me are still “folding clothes in the spin cycle”. So I decided to READ… and work Step 11 “improving your conscious contact with God”…
This was only nominally encouraging in an insulting sort of way but here’s the gleanings from that effort:
“I’ve seen far too many kids rasied in Christian homes who are indifferent to Christ and often carry a great disdain for the church”…
“we raise our children in the cocoon of a domesticated faith and wonder why they run as far as they can to find adventure” Erwin Raphael McManus from the “Barbarian Way”
“the hindrance in our spiritual life is that we will not be continually converted, there are wedges of obstinacy where our pride spits at the throne of God and says- I won’t. We deify independence and willfulness and call them by the wrong name….we call it strength and God calls it obstinate weakness.” Oswald Chambers /dec 28 / My Utmost For His Highest
This is all me!
“The beginning of all healing is to acknowledge there is a problem!” Bryan Duncan / Radio Rehab
I wouldn’t say I’m “Indifferent” to Christ… I just know what he’s after and I’m obstinate. I’ve resented his rejection of my plans!!!
Even with Black Sheep Motorcycle “ministry” …I was arrogant in thinking of what I could do for this organization but of course I haven’t wanted to follow the rules myself… I’m not sure I can if I’m willing!
“I have the desire to do what is right but I cannot carry it out”… the Apostle Paul
I tried to ride Jezebel in 40 mile per hour winds this morning… my own determination.. but it was like flying a bombing mission with heavy flak! 8) I’m facing heavy winds spiritually too.. determined to fly against common sense advice! 8)
Sitting in the back row of church without contribution personally is a real act of contrition on my part… and sitting out as a member of Black Sheep is one also…
Btw they played an hour of my Christmas music on the radio station that Skip Fordyce Harley Davidson dealership plays in their store… I found some new respect for my music among some of the employee’s when they discovered that I come in all the time.
I’m reading a book now called “you don’t need a title to be a leader”… it ought to be interesting for me…
Finding my way one day at a time… Bryan D
West Coast Office..12/27/06
It was my mother who told me on the phone about the death of James Brown on Christmas day. She knew he was THE man in my world… besides my dad of course. James Brown was the first person I really “heard” on the radio! That blood curdling scream from the depths of his soul was quickly adopted in my own singing approach. “Try Me” … and “This is a Man’s world” defined soul music for me way before a music style and groove… it wasn’t even about the notes or the music… this was gut wrenching howling at the moon. Desperate… defiant and always down and dirty musically. Made me wanna jump outta my seat.
“I feel good”, and “Papa’s got a brand new bag” brought me the first introduction to the real power of a horn section which I still love…and the explosion of emotion powered dance moves… I also tried to imitate. James Brown may have influenced me more than any one singer!
I passed him once in the Dallas airport … he was on a pay phone and all the sky caps were nearly bowing in his direction. I wish I coulda said hi to him at least. But alas how many times had he heard… “man you’ve been a real influence in my music”… my pride let the moment go… James Brown coulda been a preacher. His delivery had a Pentecostal flavor much like my dad’s early sermons.
I was horrified at the news report I saw on t.v. about his passing…they showed a clip of his “live” show without much music…never played anything of his music really… it was like they were just reading off what was on the prompter. It was clear they were completely unaware of his contribution. Stupid white people on t.v….. clueless, unappreciative… but then if they liked him.. he wouldn’t have appealed to me… he was out side the commercial box for sure… set the standard for much of Soul, RnB, and Hip hop … he was not awarded much in the way of recognition except that everyone stole clips of his screams to use in everything. Imitation is the purest form of flattery.
For me this is another day the music died!.
O.K. so there’s that…. Bryan D/ Soul Viking
12/24/06 Mission Viejo, CA Life Church
Spent all day and night at church this Christmas eve! Five services over a 15 hour period, I sang at Life Church. Five Services… That’s like a month of Sundays! My songs were interspersed between sermon, video show presentation and the offering of course. They had built an entire video presentation around “grown up Christmas list” and I ended my part of the service by singing the song live to the video. It was pretty powerful I think.
Of course singing two songs… waiting fifteen minutes to sing two more and then after the message adding one final number… then doing that five times starting at 8:30 a.m. and leaving for home at 8:30 p.m. made for an exhausting day. I didn’t get up till nine on Christmas morning… that’s late for Christmas in my world.
The staff at Life church are down to earth in a “professional” kind of way… very dressy! Life Church wins the “best conversion of a movie theater” category of churches I’ve ever seen. It’s a really classy auditorium and comfortable. The pastor is high energy. I sat through some thought provoking moments as he launched into “are you ready for your miracle”! you know me… I’m a dissident.. maybe that’s the miracle I’m in need of… the miracle of “Passion”. He did present a scripture that haunted me on the way home though… “Faith is the substance of things Hoped for”… “hope is not enough” he said.. “there has to be an action!” . Immediately I was reminded of Black Sheep President, Marty Edwards words to me… “NO LOITERING” … yea but I’m really tired! When does God do something more on my behalf?... there’s my poor attitude showing again… “what are you doing to heal?” .. again the words of Marty, friend and wound-er of my soul…. Seems to me I’ve taken a lot of action and found myself in another hole… just really tired.
Whats the deal with “Miracles” anyway… I don’t get that the bible suggested that there was a Miracle waiting for everyone just cause they wanted one… but then here’s that definition thing again… what is the Miracle? Life? Love? Security? Financial stability?... that seems to be what people pick up on…Me? I think God doesn’t pass out a lot of miracles cause he’s seen what people do with em… most of em don’t return to the Miracle Worker until they’re in need again…I don’t think Miracles do much to enhance one’s determination to follow faithfully in trust that God has bigger intentions for the pain we are in…. primarily his goal is not satisfying our comfort level… just my thought on it all…
Still I liked this Multi ethnic church.. dynamic and driven it’s hard to feel outside of acceptable here! I drove home alone though on Christmas Eve and in the dark passage back to Riverside my heart was filled with thoughts of things lost. Things I once had at Christmas time that have slipped away… I missed my Grandmother and her old house in Grand Junction, Colo. … my family is “dispersed” around the country. For the next hour it’ll be just me and the Christ child 8)…. Not really a bad thing.. but you know how yer mind works overtime at Christmas … summing up the year… thinking about how fast time is flying… people you’ve lost contact with…
Driving out to this date this morning I saw a huge bag of presents dropped on the freeway… all beautifully wrapped in silver and white and now scattered in the fast lane. No one around at seven a.m. on Christmas eve and someone’s gonna wonder where their gifts are… I thought about stopping but I needed to be on time for sound check and I too was running late…
I wonder how many gifts I missed this year myself cause I was running too fast.
O.K. so there’s that…. Bryan D
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Nifty Noodles/ Church=Field Hospital
12/18/06 Riverside, CA
I haven’t had an official church “home” since my divorce. I’ve been in “Church Purgatory”. I’m in church most Sundays… just in different states. But it was brought to my attention by my Black Sheep friends that I am missing some key safety nets in my Christian experience. Yea.. I know the scripture .. “Forsake not the assembly of the saints”.
I gotta be honest here, I haven’t wanted to join or sign up for anything for a while… the scrutiny has been unbearable over the years. And losing my marriage might have been the ultimate defeat. The missed requirements are glaring. “you wear your anger and resentment like a crown” a friend told me last week.
Black Sheep is a motorcycle “ministry”. It says right on their patch.. “I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ”… o.k. so maybe I have a problem in associating with a bike ministry. I was looking for a bike “club” I guess… I think I was looking for friends first who would let me be where I am.. not where I’m supposed to be. I’ve always had a defiance against the rules. Never thought they applied to me. But “faithful are the wounds of a friend” it says in scripture… and Black Sheep friends are telling me “it’s o.k. to be injured… just check into a medical facility for treatment… don’t walk around with your arm blown off and bleed all over the place, complaining about the shell that went off in yer foxhole”.
I have been wounded by the gospel of Christ. I’m not “ashamed” but I am certainly “embarrassed”…. by my inability to represent the implications. Number one, the Gospel lays out that I have come up short in my performance.. I must give up control of my own will in order to find salvation. Even the 12 steps acknowledge that. But here I am still…. Trying to think my way out… work my way through… cut off and surrounded, I’m taking friendly fire and I’ve been defensive against my own.. I’ve been shooting back at the “allies”.
“There is a God and I’m not him” I say all the time… I laugh a little too …but I’m deeply disappointed about that. It means I have to submit to a higher power at some point…even Bob Dylan said about all people.. “gonna have to serve somebody”… I’m the “living sacrifice” still tryin desperately to crawl off of the alter. I used to play paint ball. I gave it up cause I was always getting hit too early and out of the game. I wanted to keep shooting after I was hit… well there are rules of engagement. I keep getting taken out. Well now I don’t wanna play anymore.. I wanna do something I’m not disqualified for. Riding Motorcycles is it for me.. some days I wanna just get on the bike and take off across the country and never look back. I want to isolate and be true only to myself. I don’t wanna keep looking at my wounds, but I don’t wanna bandage them either.
Spiritually speaking…I keep trying to walk out of the “hospital” too early… cause the doctor won’t give me a clean bill of health. I know a biker who has one leg shorter than the other because of a bike accident. “he didn’t have to have that limp” someone told me…” he was just too stubborn to let the bone heal before he started walking around on it”. Some wounds leave us crippled at best but to carry a limp because you didn’t follow the doctors orders is just foolish. And so with all my arrogance about “submitting”…I finally went to a church service as simply a wounded person.
I sat on the back row… dressed in leather and the only biker in the parking lot (cause it was desperately cold weather for California). I chose Pathway Christian Church on Victoria Ave where I had met the pastor when I did a Radio Rehab concert here. I got there just as he began to speak. Everything he touched on was an acknowledgement of my injuries. “we are disappointed when God interrupts our plans” he said early on. Wow .. what timely insight. (ever been to a doctor and he starts describing your symptoms and you light up cause there might be hope of pain relief? ). “O.K. maybe I need this” I thought.
He spoke of the Virgin Mary who hasn’t even started her life yet and God is telling her she’s gonna get pregnant and she hasn’t even have a boyfriend yet! She had to accept a reality bigger than herself and there was gonna be no way to understand what was happening to her. “it never says that Mary did any other mission work… she didn’t sing special music.. may have never “Led” anyone to Christ personally… she let God choose her and use her for his purpose”….the pastor said…and I was thinking… “there’s that word again… “use”… I don’t wanna feel “used” for someone else’s purpose!. But I get that mixed up with the way people ‘Use’ me I think (or the way I “use” others). When God “uses” you … I think a better word might be… “validate” your existence.. a far better reason for “Submitting’.
Anyway I sat through the whole sermon… without fidgeting. The first guy I met walking out was a biker who saw me Friday night at a local Motorcycle event I attended at the Harley Davidson dealer in town… and as Jezebel was sitting on the sidewalk out front.. she attracted several other bike owners and I was talking like I’d been around this church my whole life… I’m gonna submit to attending! I’m not gonna volunteer for anything either cause I’m here to heal. I’m taking myself out of the game. My wounds are not healing… thought they were but my friends are telling me that I’m still bleeding… well I’m disappointed … I wanted to lead the charge… but I guess for now I’m gonna ride the bench.
This is God interrupting my plans! I hate submission… I really do…
O.k. so there’s that… Bryan D
12/14/06 Burbank, CA
I’m out of town all next week right up till Christmas day. So I had to plan to have Christmas with the west coast Duncan clan (sons of Daniel) this week… my brother Brad and his wife Angel and my two sons Brandon and Devin. It’s a second annual event the involves mostly “white elephant gifts”… I gave all a picture of me!... I received a cheese cutter this year myself… so I can more effectively cut the cheese. See I gave everyone a Christmas block of cheese last year… “all my more ungodly friends if you recall the poem from last Christmas. Oh don’t look it up I’ll recite my poem here “for Christmas I’ll bring frankincense to the Christ child on my knees and for my more ungodly friends I’ll give a block of cheese”… I was thrilled with my work… it didn’t fly that well as I recall…
I also got my brother a ‘Towel”… based on the movie “Scrooged” … the main character has only two lists for gifts… VCR or a towel..if you recall… “but he’s your brother” the secretary says… and the t.v. network president says… TOWEL! 8)…. O.k. I’m sure you get it…anyway the other part of the evening was based on “A Christmas Story” where the dogs destroy the Christmas dinner and they have to go out to the only restaurant open on Christmas night… and that is what we did…. Had Christmas dinner duck at “JOY FEAST” a Chinese restaurant in Burbank. So there you have the Duncan family Christmas this year… I rode Jezebel out from Riverside and the sun was radiant coming and going.
I have the opportunity to play this year on the east coast near my parents and sister and other brother… so next week it will be the east coast family Christmas. It’ll be more like mom likes to have it…8)..
O.k. so theres that! Bryan D
West Coast Office 12/12/06
Sittin in “Little Green Onions” this morning having breakfast, I was reading the paper cause James was late for our morning ritual. The Green Onion is the cheapest place in town… they serve chips and salsa with breakfast. It attracts all the downtown traffic. Cops and robbers, recovery groups and bikers, postal workers and city gas crews. This is my hang out when I’m home doin nothing. I was sittin alone for about thirty minutes and I start getting uncomfortable… cause ..I’m not doin anything… so I picked up the paper. There’s an article on Steven Van Zant, guitarist for Bruce Springsteen.. it starts out with how busy he is at 56 years of age. Hey that must mean he’s successful I thought. He probably doesn’t have time to return a phone call… he, like me, does a radio show (“underground garage” boasting 200,000 listeners)… he runs a record label too.. and plays with the E Street Band… I forgot some of the other stuff. But he sounded busy…like me at some point… I have that same bio on paper. But my real life grinds to a halt frequently.. it’s like stop and go city driving. I was busy yesterday.. mostly lookin for parking places and avoiding accidents at the malls around town.
I’ll bet Van Zant sits in a little dive somewhere doin nothing once in a while. Why is it that how busy you are is a sign of success? Maybe I’m just reading that in to the story but that seemed to be the most important information for the article writer. No body’s gonna read the story if he’s sittin still at the busiest time of the year I suppose.. but if I’m successful I don’t have time to read about what he’s doin. If I do have time… now I feel guilty cause look how busy he is. I was just wonderin how he felt about something? Do you ever get depressed? What was your biggest mistake? How did you recover from it? you ever lost anything that meant more to ya than anything else? What do you feel when yer in a room all by yourself? And do you have to wear that doo rag on your head all the time to be in the E Street band?
Everyone around me seems to be in a damn hurry to get something done before a dead line. Sometimes I think the more lost we are the faster we go! The next article I read was about a program to encourage people to put their loved ones on “ICE” ! it’s short for “In Case of Emergency”… they went on to say how many people are in serious accidents and the medical team can’t reach anyone who cares! Nurses spend a lot of time searching the directory in personal cell phones to notify the family of the victim. Speedy notification in case of emergency! “This is a great idea” I thought… I’d like to use it when I’m conscious!
I thought about Eagle Ray, the black sheep biker who died on the street two weeks ago… he was wearing his Black Sheep colors and the paramedic recognized the emblem and contacted the Sheep President before any of his family was aware there was an accident. The ICE program is a great idea too! Having ICE in front of a name or two to contact in an emergency.. but it also says something about our culture, we are disconnected even as we all have cell phones…away from family and friends alot of the time. You know why? Cause we’re successful at stayin busy. I was reminded by a friend in a letter of a song I wrote over 30 years ago, he quoted my own work to me… “when I was alone… I came to know a friend of mine… when I was alone, his voice was never hard to find”….
I gotta remember to meet with the “Christchild” this Christmas… and bring him my most precious commodity… time…
O.K. so there’s That… Bryan D
San Diego, CA 12/9/06 Saturday
The day started with a motorcycle funeral procession from Riverside Harley Davidson dealer to Harvest Christian Fellowship. I sung for “Eagle” Ray’s eulogy before driving to San Diego for Saturday night and Sunday morning Christmas services. Maybe the impact of considering our short time on earth set the tone for me this weekend.
I had no personal agenda. I was happy to still be here in person. I only did two songs per service as John Wickham the worship leader, was slated to do a few songs from a new project of his own.
I spent most of my time drinking coffee in the Churches Café and wandering around talking to everybody… the security guys and staff in the office… found myself just interested in what people were doing… a woman who’s still in the throws of romance with a new husband. Another who is dating again after two bad marriages, a biker enthusiast who reads my noodles faithfully and has listened to my songs for 20 years (trying to get his ‘first wife’ to let him buy a bike himself), a couple who visit their mother every Christmas out here from Milwaukee. A high school kid headed for Germany to study overseas, a college kid trying to keep his new rock band together, a single mom and her gorgeous but insecure 16 year old daughter both struggling to find their confidence..
Another mother with her son and his new girlfriend from France, some tourists from Japan, a woman who still suffers trauma from a “silly” fall several years ago. I met the young and old and very old! …talked to the tech guys in the back, the assistant ministers and the background singers for the service… I felt like a fly on the wall mostly except people knew I was there.
I sung two Christmas songs “This Christmas” and “Took the form of Man”. “thanksgiving is a time to be grateful for all God has given us” I said in the last service “Christmas is a time to be grateful to God himself” … that was it for my pontifications the rest was fluff… until I heard from one of the staff… “what I love about you is you don’t preach”…”which is nice because we already have someone to do that”… thanks for that validation… singers sometimes feel that they have to prove their worth by their wisdom. Not me anymore.
I heard a great comment today the fits here too… “lead us not into temptation… I can find it for myself” 8)
I thought about how my impression has changed of this church. I realize that perhaps what I was seeing early on was my own “paranoia”… what is happening here is normal…filled with loving people. People I don’t have to impress.. accepting… warm and truly willing to share a moment of conversation in passing.
Several people brought me Christmas gifts at the Sunday morning service.. (coffee, a motorcycle tree ornament, special t shirt, incense, and one bag of chocolate covered Marshmallows which I shared with everyone I talked to…. It was a great ice breaker for conversations! This is a soft spoken church but there is some real living going on here… healthy and vibrant… and I felt incredibly loved as I listened to people share a little of their live’s with me..
John Wickham, my long time friend and fellow survivor of the early Jesus Music days… had a suggestion for me to think about… “you could offer some other services with your singing… you know… like cleaning the carpets … assisting with offering, door greeter….” 8). “ see I said” maybe I just need to add the fee cause all that comes with my services now!”
O.k. So there’s That… Bryan D
12/8/06 Windomar, CA
It felt good to sing again… I was really down all day. The daily grind had taken it’s toll on my enthusiasm. Depression can sneak up on me quietly and I find myself down emotionally without knowing why. I was shopping for Christmas… lost my credit card… thinking about the relationships I have lost and found, or the other way around. You can start thinking at Christmas of the way time is passing quickly. What do you give to acknowledge the people in your life that doesn’t fall incredibly short of gratitude.
I had to call a few friends and confess my sense of loss. I was on my way to a Recovery Celebration I’ve never been to before. Cornerstone Church is something of a fortress strategically set against the foothills. It’s a five year anniversary for their recovery program. I was supposed to be the “Special” guest and I wasn’t feeling very special. It wasn’t self pity but it was clear depression.. I mention it because I think many of us face a silent killer around the holidays… it sneaks up on me if I don’t stay connected in good ways with other people…
I was in a better place just with the opportunity to sing again… it’s a forward flow I can’t live without it seems…
O.K. so there’s that…. Bryan D
West Coast Office 12/4/06
I have the notion in my head that if I just think hard enough I can get myself out of trouble. It’s all a matter of insight and application… new truth… if I define everything and explain away all the pain and suffering and the reasons for it I can get away…it’s hard to detect in my daily life but I have this misbelief that knowledge and personal action will save me before God will. All I need is to come up with the right idea and the proper frame of mind… and spin it into a popular theme. Write a book or a song or two about it… and I will be fixed.
Well that hasn’t happened…. So I think, “I’ll just stay busy! “ I have a misbelief that I can replace hope with work! I know I’m happier when I’m busy cause it crowds out all the ugly thoughts for a while…you know the thoughts: Aging, futility of purpose, financial struggle, unfixable situations in relationships, sexual misconduct, Loss of life, emptiness, loneliness, fear of the unknown…“this sinful world as it is” basically.
I have a need to escape…I was watching the entire series of a true war story a couple of weeks ago, called “band of brothers”. I was mesmerized by one element of the story about a man who in the middle of battle became overwhelmed by fear and suffered a bout of “Hysterical Blindness” it rendered him absolutely helpless.”I didn’t want to let anybody down” he tells em at the field hospital. He sat later, under intense fire, balled up in a fox hole screaming. Man I could relate at least emotionally. He confesses his fear and lack of action to a superior and is told “we’re all scared”…. “you hid in that ditch because you think there’s still hope” the officer tells him… “but the only hope that you have is to accept the fact that you are already dead”… “until then you cannot function as a soldier”…Well he goes on to get killed so I’m not sure what the encouragement is here…8)
War stories are fascinating to me and I think it’s because war intensifies the issues of survival and the struggle between life and death. I’ve never been to war in reality but in the past few weeks I’ve seen physical casualties of riding motorcycles in Southern California. There have been four fatalities in the last six weeks that I have been more aware of. I visited another man who was crushed when someone fell asleep approaching an intersection and crushed him between the cars.. it broke his back in three places and put him in a coma. Two separate accidents involving married couples on their way to Black Sheep breakfasts where they too were caught in pile ups on the freeway. All are in critical condition. “We’re under attack” one email read.. speaking of it in spiritual terms as an act of Satan. Maybe… but we take the risk everyday when we get on the road, doesn’t seem to me like there’s a good answer for why bad things happen to good people.
To suggest that the devil can do anything he wants in the way of harming believers (or anybody for that matter) could suggest that God is not really in complete control. It’s that pain factor that bothers me… why it’s here and it is here…pain propels me forward… forces me to see my vulnerability … I’m not invincible and I’m not completely protected. One thing is for sure… because of the “attack” of pain and suffering I’m forced to look to a higher power… seek out faith… truth is God allows suffering and he allows each of us to have our own will to surrender or instead…act on God’s behalf…I’m not sure that satan has much to do with that part… that’s God’s design… and bottom line.. I don’t understand God very well! And his friends can’t explain him to me either. Life seems like a freefall to me. My faith is my parachute I hope… but I’m not sure I wanna pull the chord for fear it won’t be there…
O.k. so there’s that! Bryan D
12/3/06 Sunday… Yorba Linda, CA
I sang at another biker event! But it wasn’t my songs. I joined Kenny Metcalf’s “Back Yard Band” presenting oldies rock tunes for the VTX riders toy run and BBQ. I’ve never sung this stuff on stage before…did the lead vocal on Billy Joel’s “You may be right”…Eddie Money’s “Two Tickets To Paradise”, the Eagles “Hotel California” and finally Grand Funk Railroad’s “Can I get a witness”.
Sung background vocals too with Kenny’s daughters and a couple of band members…singin “ Sweet Home Alabama”, Live and Let Die” .. “come and get your love” “brown eyed girl”… and the list goes on… some three hours of material… it was fun. This was Kenny’s first real band gig since he’s been sick and it was good to support him in his health recovery. I know how it feels to NOT be singing!.
Nifty Noodles/ Black Day for Black Sheep........
Nifty Noodles/ Bryan's Buyin'........
12/02/06 Temecula, CA
I was off this weekend because the dates I held for the NehoSoul Band were never realized for Christmas this year. So I took the opportunity to take Jezebel, my new Harley…on her first bike Rally; The Black Sheep regional breakfast at Rosa’s. I offered to do a Christmas tune as part of the festivities. It was at least a chance to let people know the NehoSoul Christmas record was out there too… I played “Christmas Comes But Once A Year”. It was supposed to be a happy over the top rally of festivities but a shadow was cast on the event as Ray Ramirez, vice president of the Inland Empire Chapter of Black Sheep was killed on his way to the rally. As word spread about the accident a more hushed tone fell on the place… “what do we do now… cancel? Continue? … should we tell everyone first and try to smile or save the news for the end?... This seems to always be the question in tragic times for everyone… what now?
I thought maybe I shouldn’t be singing a happy tune…. I’ve been here before with other people who’ve lost loved ones in untimely fashion. Shock, Disbelief, confusion, questions….The leadership gathered in a corner and Prayer first is always best. In the motorcycle world at least in Southern California casualties are unfortunately not rare. And in the last three weeks there have been at least one accident involving Black Sheep or the motorcycle friends of the club.
The decision was to continue as planned but to open with the announcement and prayer with the membership.
The time will come to grieve and pay our respects but there is nothing most of us can do at this moment… the Inland Empire Chapter left shortly afterward to ride to the side of the family. I offered to sing at the funeral and at least attend when those arrangements are made. But we all must continue to live out our time here even under the stress of loss. The decision was right I believe to hold the rally. I decided to sing what I planned. I’ll save a song for Ray, probably “Peace” from the same Christmas record.
There were smiles and people sang but the weight of loss was evident. I wandered around as always but the event was sobering still. Afterward there were several riding events to attend to. Black Sheep is a ministry of service to other bikers and events. Some rode to Hells Kitchen to help with parking for a toy run. And I joined the Hemet Chapter and a few riders from Chino and Southern Utah…some twenty riders and we left for Idyllwild, CA a spot in the mountains where Bikers for Christ was having a toy run event.
Riding even together is mostly alone time on the bike. Time to think is available… And today was long. I left the mountains with a couple from Hemet and late in the afternoon I was a lone rider on my new Harley crossing the back wasteland east of Riverside… I was caught in a horrific windstorm dodging huge Tumble weeds rolling over the expressway. My first ride on Jezebel and I was broadsided by a five foot across tumble weed… had to stop and pull the fragments out of every nook and cranny in my bike.
I gave up riding west in the cross wind.. probably 40 mph gusts with dust. I headed north to the interstate. It took me a few hours to get home. Around five I passed the hospital where Ray’s body was taken. I didn’t stop. By now everyone will be gone I thought… but this week I’ll be at a funeral. Ray was killed by a driver turning left who failed to see six foot man 250 pounds riding an 800 lb motorcycle.
Be careful when yer driving out there…
O.K. so there’s that…. Bryan D
West Coast Office 12/01/06
I was wishin the other day about my dream motorcycle. What would she look like? What kind? What color? What model? I fell upon my favorite top of the list bike… she would be black or white or silver to start with… A Harley Davidson Heritage Softail classic.. it would need a wind screen and saddlebags of course and always… modified pipes all the way to the back…I’d love to have custom grips and floor boards and pedals too and I need a passenger seat with a sissy bar cause I don’t wanna be alone all the time! ;)….and that was the end of a conversation I had with a friend a week ago.
Of course I’ve talked about this for some 15 years and how I would wait to find a real deal… maybe around winter time when it gets cold and somebody wants out of their bike. It would probably come from some doctor or lawyer who lost a quick enthusiasm for riding and decided to take a loss. But I was fine with the wait… Matilda is a great value to me and I ride most everyday. But I was considering extensive upgrades to enhance comfort ability on longer rides and more power too as Matilda bogs down with a second rider and gets a little top heavy.
I love Matilda mind you… she’s a pimp ride these days with the little personal touches I added.
And then without warning I was headed out to Perris, Ca to pick up Matilda after her check up and I was handed a little flyer… a picture of a bike that looked a lot like the one I was dreaming about. It came with a story of how the owner had recently died of cancer and his widow needed to sell it. I had no address for sure just a phone number that didn’t work and that picture with a general understanding of the neighborhood where the bike was. We drove around just to see if we could have a peek at this prize and going only from details in the background of the picture…found the house based on a palm tree in the picture next to a fire hydrant. I walked to the first house I picked as a possibility as the bike in the picture was sitting in the street at the end of a cul-de-sac. It was the right house and within minutes the garage door rolled up and I pulled back the sheet to see… My exact dream bike… pristine silver and black… hundred year edition Harley with all the bells and whistle’s…. only 8800 miles on her… a 2003 but in immaculate condition.
I still couldn’t get my hopes up but I put in a fair bid… knowing that this was a kind of estate sale and the woman was still grieving the loss of her husband. Someone else had a bigger bid so I went home and figured it wasn’t to be. It’s Interesting though that I had only two days earlier received good news about my investments from royalties laid away for retirement so I could probably pay back a loan to my own “bank” with no interest… I had never thought of it before now…
Late Thursday night Julia called me.. “Do you still want the bike?” she asked… I quivered at the financial ramifications… “yes” I said and the deal was on. I hung up “I can’t believe this is happening ..I haven’t been pursuing anything… I sat in the dark and considered the events… next day I was ordering a cashiers check and next thing I know I’m riding home on my new “girlfriend”. I felt sad for Matilda… but I’ll find her a good home. The new bike shall be called “Jezebel” though 8)… cause she caught my eye and I could not resist her 8). (she’s a Harlot Davidson) There’ll be a picture or two coming of “Jezebel”
Now I don’t know why this has come to pass but don’t think I didn’t pray for Julia who teared up as I rode away with her husband’s bike. I left her after some conversation about loss and cancer and I left her with a copy of my recent Christmas work suggesting she listen first to the song “peace”… “It’s one of my favorites” I told her and I asked her the name of her late husband… “Robert” she said…”he died in August”… “I will remember who’s bike this was and I will take care of her like it was his” I told her.
I’ve been handed a great deal on a bike but I can’t help but wonder if my presence was requested by God on this woman’s behalf. She has much family support mind you but something else perhaps was needed if you get my drift… it wasn’t a giant evangelistic presentation on my part but rather a simple awareness that there was a suffering taking place and God allowed me a chance to whisper peace. “let me know how you like the song” I said “ you have my number”……. “and God has mine” I thought.
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