Nifty Noodles/ Goodbye Last Year

12/31/03...
Looking back I have to say this has been the most productive year of my life when it comes to working at what really matters... Relationships with others, and a growing sense of community. I've learned more about myself and God this year than ever in my life. I'm more comfortable with the "things I cannot Change" ...thanks to Celebrate Recovery. And I've done more in the last year to improve my conscious contact with God than ever in my life.

No... It hasn't made me more Holy! just more aware of how much I need a Savior. And how many assumptions I've had about God's will and success as he sees it.

I've discovered more lies in my own thinking than I can ever remember. I can see how Pain is a gift. It has finally lit a fire under me to do something else. I owe that to circumstances in life that I don't like... Never did... And the circumstances haven't changed much. But I can see a difference in my attitude and acceptance of "this sinful world as it is and not as I would have it"...

Radio Rehab has been a consistent effort for a year and a half now and if nothing else, it has been a way applying sanity and hope to my own life.

I have no imagination for what is to come this next year... But the hope of the future is surprising in the face of all the realities. "Big" things might not be the order of this next year... "Significant" things might have a greater part to play though.

Looking forward... "I will Trust God and do the Next Thing"... Oswald Chambers

"ME TOO"... Bryan Duncan

Happy New Year!

Nifty Noodles/ Last Stand '03

12/28/03 Mariners Church/ Irvine, Ca
Drove down from the mountain resort in Big Bear on a last minute call to play four services at Mariners Church. Stan Endicott is the music director there and put three of my songs together with their local all star band... This is becoming a regular thing these days... Playing with the local band.

Saturday night I was introduced to more official "managers" of the program than I'm used to... And at one point a guy was checkin out the auditorium with a DB meter (it registers noise volume). I got nervous... The environment felt very "controlled". The sound was heavily "compressed". It's like putting a governor on the old school bus so you can't go too fast!

Saturday night was o.k. And the band was fantastic, All professionals. I was still not sure of the environment and product sales were poor. ( I gage the enthusiasm for my music according to sales.. Maybe not the best sign)

Sunday morning was completely different. I was asked to Take it down a notch for the first service as this was a conservative crowd usually. They were quiet but I didn't see a lack of enthusiasm and they laughed easily enough at "No Word's For This Song".

The second service went very well with the band playing two songs with me... Step by Step and Strollin on the Water... I had some hang time with the singers and musicians between services and found them to be wonderful folks and easy going. Sold all of the product that I brought before the last service started. (a rare thing indeed).

The People I talked with after each service as I stood outside were remarkable in their vitality and honesty. Ran into some old school friends I hadn't seen in years. And met some people in interesting ministries... Ball room dancing was one... And then there was the Recovery T.V. Network that I'm hoping to find out more about.

New Life Ministries, where New Life Treatment Centers come from had some employees attending as well and we're thrilled to hear the Serenity Prayer at the end of my song Step By Step. We talked about the possibility of having me sing on some of their upcoming events.

So, all in all, I left encouraged for the future. There is an openness to the things I bring to the table besides the music. This all comes as a confirmation of sorts that my insights in November of this year might have been premature.

I'm prepared to follow Christ where ever he leads and I was considering the possibility that he was moving away from my personal "strengths". Perhaps he just wanted me to trust in Him and not them in the future... Yea but it's easy to trust in what you're best at!

O.K. See thee.... Bryan d.

Nifty Noodles/ Eva Christmas

12/24/03 Laguna Beach, CA
Calvary Chapel of Laguna Beach.
Two services... Forgot my tracks... Had to "improvise" with just a piano... It turned out better than a real performance. The evening needed a little levity anyway...My New Christmas song went over great and it's not really finished. I closed with "I Love You With My Life" and shared the prayer request I got from the foster child four days ago... It was a great moment.

It's raining in Southern California and I don't mind driving home in the fog it's as Christmas-ie as we ever get here.

All is calm all is bright... Merry Christmas.... Bryan Duncan, God Bless us everyone!

Nifty Noodles/ Safe House

12/23/03 Home...
Every Christmas comes with a lot of overwhelming feelings and emotions. I am no exception and I was feeling a wave of bad things and intrusive thoughts... But I am in a recovery program and I've learned to reach out in my darkest moments. So Sunday night I called a friend in town who works with abandoned kids at the "Safe House". I asked if I could come and maybe sing or something. "Of course" was his response. Really I'm being selfish cause I want to get out of this dark place with the feelings it brings... And I've found good things in giving of my time.

I attempted two songs... On a little keyboard. Playing Old School to new kids... They weren't real impressed and I felt stupid for trying to impress them... That's not the point! I sat down to listen.

Another of my friends got up in front of some ten teenage kids... "I'm 44 years old and I had my first kid when I was 15 he said" ... "I got 5 kids now...somewhere"... "I've been on drugs for most of my life" he continued and I summarize here: 'it's not that I didn't love my kids as much as I was selfish and disabled because of bad decisions that I made...'

This man is in recovery from heroin... Clean now for 2 years and I thought wow, as bad as he's lived he can still contribute to the insights of children abandoned by drug using parents. He can love them and show them as an adult that even grown ups don't have all the answers and that we make wrong choices too and how it has affected us long term.

I was asked to sing one more song and preferred to talk candidly instead... "I'm 50 years old" I said... "I've been performing for approval my whole life... Hoping that I would feel like I was worth something if everybody liked me.... It was never enough... Even when I was loved I still didn't feel it... I found addictions myself in hopes of feeling something that might feel like love..."

I didn't "wrap it up" either. I just let it leave me looking unimpressive and without all the answers.. (which is against my nature). I listened to the kids afterward and let them play my piano. I got a prayer request from one of the girls there at the end... Just before Christmas... It summed up a lot... "I just want those I love to love me back"....

That's my Christmas wish too sweetheart! Merry Christmas Bryan Duncan

Nifty Noodles/ CR Christmas

12/20/03 Friday, Riverside/ Celebrate Recovery at Bethel Christian Center
This is my home base for the most part and it is the equivalent of Mike Yaconelli's home church for me I suppose... I am so regular here that the turn out of regulars was pretty low for a kind of official concert. Had some local "outside the program" friends come for the fifty minute Christmas set, Including my mother in law and her friends...It was more like a living room performance really... (With a really loud stereo system)

I was glad to play for friends but I'd hoped to have drawn more folks. Maybe it's too close to Christmas... Seems like even the Christmas tours were like that on this week end as well. I think you have to have live Camels to really get people out this close to Christmas!

I did have some good conversations with people I haven't seen much of recently...one friend in particular, I thought had "written me off" as a lost cause a few years ago. And then suddenly without notice... There they were! their presence at my concert said volumes to me that I was still appreciated and perhaps even loved in spite of what feels like a fall from grace... It changed my whole outlook on the concert and my feeling about my own progress...I think it's called perspective! yea that's it!.... I had a very quick change in perspective all because of the appearance of someone I hadn't seen in a long time... I realized that... I've changed! .... and in that moment it was startling!

So there Ya go... Bryan D 12/14/03 Middleburg Heights, Oh
It was snowing as we left. Ahh a little bit of Christmas. I love to watch it snow. Seekers Coffeehouse gig is as regular as rain. Two shows in a classy little coffeehouse. I guess the coffee hadn't kicked in for me or the audience that first set. Seemed really mellow, even I was feeling unmoved. But the Christmas material is not my usual style either. I played the unfinished version of "This Christmas". It works very well and adds a lively tune to an otherwise low key set. First set was largely a female audience. Noticeably so. Let's just say though that they were very "calm". I had better things to say in that first show... Maybe because in a mellow atmosphere I become "as other men" I lose all my super powers. I became somewhat introspective. What doesn't work is to bounce back and forth between Christmas music and "yearly" music.

Second show We turned up the volume as I don't like to repeat those rare "non performances". Funny how the same songs can feel more energetic with a little change in attitude... And a full house! So the music went over but I said some stupid things. Don't know what's worse. Again the new Christmas tune was well received. Had more coffee than I could possibly have asked for and it was good to be working this month.

Met several local musicians and "Mikala" a local nine year old girl who was back again to see me. She sits in the front row and sings every word to every song. I handed her the mic during the Children's segment of "Grown Up Christmas List" and she added her voice with a warm round of applause to follow. She's a real sweetheart.

I close now as I did at the shows this week... With "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night"

Ok so there's That.... Bryan d

Nifty Noodles/ And He Went to Antioch

12/13/03 Antioch, Ill
Fifty minutes north of Chicago you can find Antioch just now getting their first Walmart. It's still small town America. We stayed at THE hotel across from Burger King and Walgreens. For me this was THE Christmas banquet for this year. It went so well that I wondered why we don't have more of these on the books. It's custom make for my smart alec sense of humor. Had some visitors come to hear my songs from 370 miles away. The were disappointed that I didn't sing "I love you with my life" So after signing CD's I went back in to the sanctuary and didn the song for the couple... I believe it was there anniversary as well. I even threw in a new song not quite finished called "This Christmas". Several paople came back in to here the off handed delivery of a few extra songs.

It felt like the old days playing "after" the concert cause I just can't sing enough.

O.K. So theres' that... bryan d

Nifty Noodles/ On The Coast

12/10/03 Los Angeles
Just a little note here... A friend called me today to say he'd heard two of my Christmas songs on a local secular station... The well known Coast FM They played Please Come Home For Christmas and something else that my friend couldn't remember... But they talked on air for about five minutes about my songs and "why can't people be happy at Christmas"...

I'm getting this third party so I'm not sure where that was going but I was surprised to be getting air play on a big secular station in Los Angeles.

That's kinda like a Christmas present to me. Bryan d

Nifty Noodles/ Amazing

12/09/03
I was leaving a gig in Dallas this morning, sitting at the gate at the airport. The most amazing thing I've ever seen happened that almost brought tears to my eyes. I looked up to see a platoon of Marines coming off a plane in full desert combat fatigues. They were returning from the war in Iraq. There was no announcement of their arrival and no news cameras that I saw.

But something more amazing was that someone began to clap their hands as the marines walked by... And within minutes several others joined in and soon everything in the Dallas airport had stopped and everyone sitting at the gates were on their feet applauding the soldiers as they walked down the corridor to baggage claim. Quietly standing and clapping for a good ten minutes.

I've never seen a more spontaneous and unified expression of appreciation by as diverse and unrelated a crowd as this. Completely un rehearsed or planned. You could feel the honor being given and the power of unity in that moment. It was incredible.

Just an observation... Bryan d

Nifty Noodles/ TBN N Texas

12/9/03 Trinity Broadcasting Network in Dallas, Tx
I have no desire to be on T.V. These days. I sang mostly with my eyes closed so as not to see myself on the monitor. I was invited to sing some Christmas songs on a special with Randy Phillips, Max Lucado, and Nicole Mullen.

Did three songs: Angels we have heard on high, Took the form of Man, and Grown up Christmas List. You have to know that I have never held a great opinion of TBN and the content on the network. As my own experiences have not always been good. Funny how I wish people would not hold grudges against me, believing I might improve, but yet I do the same thing.

I started to get that feeling when I arrived on set. I was suddenly aware of my own pride and arrogance in not wanting to be associated with this "Gaudy Architecture". But today is a new day...I began to focus on losing my own self consciousness.

I watched the people in the live audience closely. What I saw were broken hearted people here to get as much from a loving God as they could find. They Responded to every nuance. Especially a line in Took The Form of Man... Talking about Jesus as a baby... "and we held him in our hands"...there was an electricity in the room. People were Hyper-focused on Jesus which always kinda scares me. And then I realized maybe it is because of the desperation of their own souls. It makes me feel out of place because maybe I'm not that desperate... Yet.

They responded well to my interview with Randy Phillips when we talked about Radio Rehab...I said "I believe that recovery is for everyone sometime...we all fall down and we're gonna need some help getting up" and the audience agreed.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I've always felt disqualified at TBN because my experience in life doesn't look like theirs... But tonight I realized that it was o.k. ... Once again I did not have to tender my resignation from the family of God because of my insecurities. My pride and arrogance are a bigger problem than their format!!!

O.K. So theres' that .... Bryan d

Nifty Noodles/ Tent Meeting

12/5/03 Friday..Lake Forrest, CA
Just another 12 step meeting at Celebrate Recovery ... Of some 800 folks. The tent setting at Saddleback sounds better than their church building and is more intimate. It's only been 4 months since the last time I was here and already the "turn over" in attendance is noticeable. I have many friends here not the least of which are the men from the Orange County Rescue Mission. The openness of people in recovery and the unpretentiousness of even the long term leadership is so attractive to me.

My concerts here are just better. I am not pressing to be understood or even appreciated. There is just a whole nother focus. "The work goes on" kind of mentality... A process bigger than myself.

Brokenness is a great place to start in knowing God. I've just been so wrong in my perception of God, his plan, and my purpose for being here.

I'm actually enjoying the moments lately of absolutely clueless abandon to his will. I get the distinct impression that God is up to something and he's not telling me. Like someone building a Christmas present in the garage and you can't come in!

I am feeling a pull in God's direction that has no explanation. I see no plans for me to carry out on his behalf. I'm a hitchhiker he picked up and I'm not sure where he's dropping me off.

This night was good for no particular reason... The songs came in effortless succession and in between an almost reckless kind of honesty about my own failures.

I'm reading Oswald Chambers a lot these days so please allow me to read some heart stopping quotes from Him;

In the devotional..."Waiting for God is incarnate unbelief it means that I have no faith in him; I wait for him to do something in me that I may Trust in THAT"

And from his life story by David McCassland a quote from OC:

"Holiness is not an attainment at all, it is the gift of God, and the pietistic tendency is the introspection which makes me worship my own earnestness and not take the Lord seriously at all"

"it is never 'do, Do an you 'll be', with the Lord, but 'Be, Be and I will do through you' "

Like I said earlier I've been so immersed in my own misconceptions that this news is actually startling to me today.

Thanks for lettin me share bryan d

Nifty Noodles/ Out In Mosinee

12/03/03 Mosinee, Wi
To say the least the crowd in Mosinee Wisconsin was polite and relatively quiet. Disconcerting to me. It was the "two for one" special... One hour of regular "cancert" material... Cancert is how it is pronounced in "WisCansin". And that was followed by a Christmas set done with a local choir. It was a volunteer choir from several churches and I could tell it was put together last minute. I was uneasy. Turned out they were all quite good at sight reading. I felt stupid. The air was cold and very dry and I could feel the pain in my voice. The P.A. Was adequate but there were none of the effects needed to soften and feather my voice to the tracks. It was not enjoyable. I talked a lot. I also hit some really awful notes in the Christmas stuff. I could tell the long breaks between full concerts is starting to leave me vocally out of shape. There were notes I clearly could not hit. I was embarrassed.

Through it all there was a bright spot and that was a moment during the run through with the choir. I was suddenly and intensely aware of one seventy year old woman in the front row. Irresistibly intense in her focus. I could hear her over the rest of the choir. She sang with passion. Though she was maybe four feet tall she just seemed to stand out in an inconspicuous sort of way.

Driving back to the hotel before the concert I asked the driver about her. Turns out she taught most of the singers in the Choir... (and in the local town) Music lessons and voice training and drama. Still she was attractive in her unassuming nature. In fact when I spoke to her in front of the other choir members she backed up and stood behind the other women almost embarrassed.

Never the less... I felt "compelled" to recognize her before the audience this night... "I haven't had the chance to meet everyone in the choir tonight" I said "but I have met one with great influence here... Her name is Ann Hanson"... Her friends said she blushed on stage and smiled in a way they hadn't seen much in years.

Anyway I was back at LAX the next afternoon waiting for my luggage and I felt for a few moments again the presence of God himself so strong... Reminding me of Ann Hanson and saying... she is one of my finest! faithful in obscurity in a little town in Wisconsin... Unassuming, angelic! The presence of God was like nothing I've felt in years... Down right surprising to me (one of Gods finest cynics).

Why was he pointing her out to me? It was like he was saying "this is the way... Walk ye in it" and I was aware... Wow God has been here all along and he has an agenda that I know nothing about!

Like Oswald Chambers said somewhere.. "God is not remotely impressed with anything we can bring to him in the way of effort or gift. He simply wants us!"... Following him where ever he says... And doing what ever he says... Me? I keep asking for a map ... And a briefing that never comes!

Thanks for lettin me share.... Bryan Duncan

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